| Here are some tips that
may help you and the rest of the family recover from the death of your
parents.
1. Resist the temptation
to dismiss their death as "timely" or "inevitable". While this is one way
to rationalize the loss, it doesn't touch your emotions. You have experienced
a significant loss and you need to take time to grieve. The majority of
people whose parents die are employed full time. A three-day bereavement
leave isn't enough time to deal with this loss. Be aware of the need to
adjust your personal schedule to take time to grieve.
2. Work at keeping
the lines of communication open between you and your siblings. They understand
more than anyone what your loss entails. Remember each member of the family
has a personal loss and each will mourn the death of your parent for different
reasons and in different ways.
3. Find one
or two close friends with whom you can talk. People often say, "My friends
don't want to hear about this!" All your friends won't, but ask one or
two for permission to use them as sounding boards. There are also professionals
you may call on: your doctor, your clergy, a counselor or your funeral
director.
4. Do something
to memorialize your parent. This could be a donation to a favorite charity.
It could be a memorial in your family church. If possible you may want
to create a permanent memorial at his or her college or university. Perhaps
you would like to plant a tree in memory of your parent.
5. Draw on the
resources of your faith to sustain you. How does your faith or spirituality
address the issue of dying? How does it help you make sense of life? Does
it help you answer your questions?
6. Although
your parent is physically dead, he or she will continue to live through
you. The values your parent gave you will affect you - - for better, or
worse - - for the rest of your life. Take what is good from them and incorporate
it more fully into your life and be thankful for the good you received |
